Teen Talk by Carissa Cunningham

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” Arnold Bennett

It all began at lunch on a lazy Thursday afternoon. The other people at my table were listening to me ramble on about something not that exciting, I believe it was something about our freedom of speech being violated by the school paper being monitored by adults. Anyway, I eventually started rambling on about being an activist, at this point the only guy at our table’s head shot up from his calculus homework. He looked me right in the eye and asked me what exactly I had done as an “activist.”

Now I’ll admit to protecting my pride a little and giving an answer that while he went back to his homework was morbidly insufficient. I was stumped. I couldn’t think of one real time I had actually stood up for what I believed in. Generally I really was just one of the followers. I kind of rolled with the flow, sacrificing my own moral obligations to fit in as best I could.

Of course, as I thought about what a failure of an activist I was I started remembering all the times I really didn’t do enough. The racist jokes in the locker room, the “short yellow bus” remarks, and the chess club, all of them came flowing back in a flashback that, while epic, seriously made me doubt myself.

I decided there was but one thing to do, write an article about teen activism, so I did. The wonderful people who put up this website quickly published my work. I was extremely proud of myself at first. I thought it was great how the written word could make me feel so much better about my shortcomings at confrontation. Suffice to say this euphoria didn’t last long.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that it wasn’t enough. I was still afraid to really make the change myself.

So I decided to join the chess club. You’re probably wondering exactly how joining a club has anything to do with activism.

The chess club was the only club/sport/activity that my school was actually winning.  Ironically however, there were no girls on the team. At first I hadn’t given it much thought. I figured that the other girls just weren’t interested in chess. While I was certainly interested in chess, I had absolutely no desire to have to try to fit in with a bunch of guys myself without any other girls! It didn’t take long for me to uncover the truth. My friends eventually confided in me the same fears about the chess club. Girls were afraid to join because there weren’t other girls. I remember being enraged at the cowardice of others, quickly forgetting my own fears. I said to myself, “Someone needs to deal with that!”

I didn’t do anything about it. My excuse was that I was a new student and didn’t want to “rock the boat.” The year went by and life distracted me.

When I realized that joining chess club was the only way for me to really stand up for what I believed I became unbelievably scared. I was not an outspoken person, at least not at school. I was the kid who sat quietly in the corner and talked to a few close friends. The idea of engaging in a club that was completely made up of boys scared the hell out of me. I had never had guy friends and I knew very little about them.

The first day I was shaking with fear as I approached the front desk in the library. The chess club was already bustling with activity. The boys were laughing and talking amongst themselves as I nervously waited for the librarian. Eventually he came and smiled at me encouragingly.

“What do you need?” he asked me in a friendly tone.

“I’m here for chess actually.” I said in a firm but shaky tone.

“Well then,” he said. “You should go talk to Mrs. Lakeshore.”

I smiled and made my way over to the lady indicated. She was filing paperwork on a different desk. I marveled a little at the sharpness of her movements. She looked like a model of efficiency from her short-cropped hair to her dress casual suit. It felt necessary to speak up a little when talking to her, as if you had to convince her that what you were saying was important enough to gain her attention.

“Mrs. Lakeshore?” I said raising my voice a little.

Her head snapped towards me like a machine. “Yes?” she said briskly as she looked me over, her dark eyes assessing me.

“Um…” I said my nerve wavering. “I’m here for chess?” I phrased my response as a question as if to ask for approval.

A light seemed to turn on in her eyes and she smiled widely at me. “Wonderful.” She said turning away from her work and walking around the desk to speak with me. “Do you know how to play?”

I nodded. She smiled again. “Fantastic. There is a coach for beginners coming today. Until then you can just wait here.” I breathed in relief.

“Ok.” I said and set my stuff down on a table. I waited patiently in a chair and watched the guys. I wanted to speak with them but a choking fear glued me to the chair. I pulled out my cell phone in desperation flipping through my messages as if I was cool enough to be texting people. The chatter continued and it seemed as if they hadn’t even noticed me. Finally an old man entered the library shuffling along slowly. Mrs. Lakeshore rushed past me and greeted him warmly. She led him towards me.

“This is Mr. Clark. He’s the beginners’ coach. This is our new member.’’ She left as quickly as she came and the old man smiled at me.

“Hello there.” He said. “How long have you played chess?”

We engaged in light conversation for a while before calling over two of the boys and hustling us into a separate room. He gave us packets and began a lesson on the Sicilian chess opening after briefly introducing me to the other two boys Toby and Carl. They pretty much ignored me. When the lesson was over I walked home rejoicing at my success.

I kept quietly coming to meetings for a while but I didn’t really talk to anyone. I don’t think that the boys even realized that I was coming. Nothing really happened until one day another girl showed up. She was bright eyed and very excitable. I immediately took a liking to her. She was very kind but quite competitive. She apparently had attended chess before but was in a sport that had demanded all her time. Her name was Alice and we became friends almost instantly as if our similar circumstances made us share a comradeship that was unique and fun. She seemed very comfortable with the guys and I envied her a little. I talked and played chess with her but I still didn’t talk to any of the guys. However it seemed as if they finally had noticed the quiet girl sitting in the back. They whispered and glanced at me occasionally but mostly continued to ignore me.

It was several weeks before a guy spoke to me. I was wearing a sparkly red top and a black skirt with my hair spiked to its full glory. Frankly, I looked hot. I was waiting for Katrina to get a chess set and suddenly a voice spoke up.

“Hey! Are you in chess?” said the voice. I looked up shocked.

“Yeah.” I responded. Katrina returned and we began a game. She wanted to show me the four-move checkmate. Suddenly I looked up from my game and boys had surrounded us. One in particular sat right next to the board. Katrina continued with her tutorial until the boy interrupted her correcting one of her statements. He continued interrupting her until eventually he was spoon-feeding her the moves. I tried expertly to avoid his moves and the game moved on without mate. Eventually we were in the endgame and I blundered one of my pieces and it was obvious I was going to lose. Katrina took back control and stalemated me. I sighed in relief.

The boy looked at me curiously and most of the guys migrated away except him and another boy. The other boy introduced himself as John and Katrina and I talked with him for a while. The boy who had looked at me wandered away eventually.

After that conversation, most of the guys continued to ignore me and I made no extra effort to seek them out. The year ended and the summer began. I became very determined in my chess studies and I worked hard to become better. I learned that chess was a very segregated sport. While women are allowed to compete in tournaments with men, there are still separate titles given to women chess masters. These can be attained with fewer points than a regular grand master title. While women can still earn the regular grand master title I was appalled by the very idea of a separate title. Women are most definitely equal in intelligence yet chess still remains a highly segregated game. When I returned to chess club the next year I was ready to kick some butt.

This time when I came I walked right over to the crowd of boys and asked what was going on. They were a little shocked at my forwardness but I soon began playing games with them and working hard to improve. I became friendly with many of them and to this day I consider many of them good friends. I eventually was even elected public relations officer of the club.

After a while a wonderful thing started happening. Girls started actually showing up to the club. Mrs. Lakeshore made a point to immediately send them to me. I was given the job to teach them and make them feel comfortable.

We now have five girls that regularly come to chess club. We are still by far in the minority but with time I hope that we can have at least equal numbers with the guys. Now that I have earned the respect of the guys I find it easier to call them out for sexist jokes. I consistently take every opportunity to educate them. :D

Speaking out is not easy. I still have to kick myself every time I let a joke slide or ignore a harsh word. However I learned that if you stand up for yourself and what you believe in change would happen. It may happen slowly and you may have to sacrifice your pride and fears for it but it’s definitely worth it in the end.